Never To Keep
by MayFairy
Summary: The Doctor knows how quickly the people he cares about can be taken from him. Romana notices his worrying and does her best to reassure him. Tumblr prompt. Angsty fluff. Four/Romana II


**Written for tumblr, under the dialogue prompt: "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." **

**Set post-Shada. **

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Romana was ecstatic. The day was saved, all was well, the Time Lords successfully summoned to finish cleaning up the mess and the TARDIS was well away and out of their reach just in case they would have decided to try and take Romana back with them. All in all, rather fantastic!

She spun her hat around her hand as she turned around to say something to the Doctor, only to find him absent from the control room.

"Doctor?" No answer came. "Doctor..." She left the control room and headed down the corridor until she reached his bedroom, where the door was slightly ajar. "Doctor, can I come in?"

"I suppose so," came the muffled reply. Romana pushed the door open and saw the Doctor's figure curled on the bed. On any other person the stance would have appeared small and childlike, but he was too unnaturally tall for that.

"You're not sulking again, are you? Because honestly-"

"I'm not sulking!"

She came to sit on the edge of the bed, near his legs. "Then what?"

"You know, I should be allowed to come into my own bedroom and feel sad about certain things if I want to!"

"Ah. So you're moping, as opposed to sulking."

"I - well - no. Shut up, Romana."

Romana shuffled further up the bed so she could put her hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you tell me what this is all about?" No answer. "Doctor." Still no answer. "Look, if you'd rather me leave-"

"No!" He finally lifted his head and turned it to look at her, with the most curious kind of desperation in his eyes. "No...just...don't." He shifted so he was half sitting up against the headboard of the bed, and patted the spot next to him in invitation. She sat down next to him and glanced over, but he was very pointedly fiddling with his scarf and not looking at her.

"Doctor," she said softly, "I don't...understand. Please. Tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong?" He sounded like he almost wanted to laugh. "Oh, so many things are wrong, Romana. Did you know there are humans on Earth who hate other humans just based on who they fall in love with? And did you know that on Metabelius II, it's illegal to-"

"I meant with you."

"With me?" He said it softly, in a way that she couldn't quite interpret his meaning. "Ah. Well. It's surprisingly simple, actually. I'm rather afraid."

"Afraid?" She said sceptically. "You? You're the bravest person I know, Doctor."

"But that's just the thing, Romana. One can't be brave without being afraid in the first place. And I'm afraid...a good deal more than I would like." His hand clasped hers, surprisingly gentle given its size.

"Afraid of what?" Romana asked, her voice quiet and worried.

"Oh...well," He said as he pulled a face and brushed his thumb over the back of her hand, "Losing you, of course."

It took more than a full second for Romana to truly comprehend his meaning. "Me? You're afraid...for me? Why?"

"Why?" Indignant outrage clouded his voice as he finally looked her in the eye. "Because it's a dangerous life on this ship, that's why! Danger and certain death around every corner. It's a miracle more people who have travelled on this ship haven't died. And even if you don't, then you'll go back to Gallifrey and back to _them_. And either way, you won't be here, with me. You'll leave, just like everyone else does. Everyone always leaves."

"Doctor…" She wasn't sure what to say. A huge lump had formed in her throat. She squeezed his hand tightly and smiled at him in a way she had to hope was reassuring. "I'm not going to leave. If I die I'll just regenerate."

"The Time Lords will want you back some day. We're lucky they haven't already demanded your return."

"And if they do I'll tell them no, and that's the end of it. I belong here." Romana nestled under his chin and let his arms curl around her.

"You'll just tell the Time Lords 'no'," the Doctor said wryly. "Romanadvoratrelundar, are you real?" When she laughed against him, he smiled, just a little, and kissed the top of her head.

"I am very real, Doctor, I promise you," She replied, grinning before her expression gave way to something softer, something more real. She sat up so that she could look him square in his lovely blue eyes and bring her fingertips up to graze his cheek. "Real and I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good. That's...excellent." The Doctor pulled her into an incredibly tight embrace and Romana let herself be held, not just because he clearly needed it but because maybe she did too.

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**I struggle with writing Four so feedback would really be appreciated. :) **

**Thanks for reading!**

**-MayFairy :) **


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